


The Swell

by sugarkind



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, More tags as I think of it, Probable sex, Relationship Development
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 13:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2813417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarkind/pseuds/sugarkind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships can be just a tumultuous as the ocean, Hal knows it well. But they're just as easily unhinged by their own force as they are built back up.</p>
<p>And it only takes a moment to break something down and a lifetime to fix it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What am I even doing. Enjoy these two shitheads playing waltz around their feelings until someone fucks up.

  
_“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,_  
 _But I have promises to keep,_  
 _And miles to go before I sleep,_  
 _And miles to go before I sleep.”_  
  
”Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”, Robert Frost.

* * *

  
  
  
There was a part of you that wondered if he’d ever stop playing Cat and Mouse. That part also wondered if all relationships felt like ocean swells, each push and pull trying to wrench you from your rock and drown you. Could one even call this a relationship? What is a relationship anyways?  
  
You’re an AI, but even that baffles you.  
  
Simply put, humans are incredible. Everything's always temporary. Even the quake of the door hitting it’s frame when your Creator slams it is temporary. The faint curses of frustration and rattling of door frames are temporary. Even the look of spitfire Dirk has in his eyes are temporary, when he finds The One He Was Looking For perched on the deck, enjoying the ocean.  
  
Well, not so much enjoying as observing. The ocean itself was deadly to you.  
  
“What have you done?” The boy you call Creator presents it as a question but you know it’s an accusation.  
  
“What do you mean?” You didn’t play dumb often, but when you did it was usually only to aggravate the situation. “You know what I mean.” You were stuck with an immediate reply and indeed, you did know what Dirk meant.  
  
“I did something awful, I’m calculating.”  You still haven’t turned around to face the fury that is Dirk Strider but turns out you don’t have to, a hard hand wrenches you around.  
  
“What have you done?” He repeats the not-question and you momentarily wonder if the human is a broken record. “I told Jake what you really think of him.”  
  
You find yourself violently wrenched and dashed back against the deck railing, nearly bent backwards in half over the metal.  You can hear the sea crashing under you, much too close for comfort. You allow yourself a brief thought that Dirk looks much like the ocean himself when he’s like this, wild, angry and dangerous. “I would never think those things. I would never say those things.”  
  
“Don’t lie to yourself.” You put your hands firmly against Dirk’s chest and pushed back, advancing from the rail. “You would have said them eventually.” There’s fire in his eyes but for a moment, they falter and you know you hit something. “They would be for me to say.” He spits back.  
  
“It doesn’t matter.” You spear right back, your palm twisting against his sternum and forcing him back, against the siding of the apartment. He looks like he’s losing momentum, like a flickering flame, and you almost bemoan the loss of the beauty.  
  
 “He’ll never speak to me again at this rate. Doesn’t that matter?” Dirk hisses, trying to pull back all the fire and hatred back into his voice, but you know you already hit him where it’s soft. “It doesn’t because deep down, we both know if you really wanted to, _you could fix this._ ”  
  
Your fingers are digging in above his heart and you can feel the beating of a fraction of humanity you’ll never possess. You do not envy Dirk for his weak, organic body, but you do envy the life and experience that will come with it. He has everything you’ll never have and sometimes you think you hate him for it.  
  
Dirk has not spoken yet and you know you have won. It’s a shallow victory that rewards no merit and you can’t even relinquish yourself to enjoy the way his face downturns to avoid looking at you. Because he knows you are right and to say anything against it would only make you righter.  
  
“Sometimes I think _you_ are my biggest regret.” Your creator murmurs this so vehemently that if you hadn’t heard it before, it might of punched a hole of pain in your chest. It still does.  
  
You take your fingers away from the warmth of his skin because suddenly, you feel as if it might burn you, that being in Dirk’s proximity might melt your hull and leave your wires bare. The ocean is deafening to you now and overhead a seagull caws.  
  
“I know,” you say, voice controlled. “You tell me quite often. I, myself, could actually say the same thing.” Dirk’s molten orange eyes are upon you now and the intensity of it makes you vaguely uncomfortable.  
  
“How can _you_ regret _me_?” He is incredulous, the fire leaking back into him. _‘You’re so ignorant for such an intelligent boy.’_   You think sadly. “I cannot regret you, yourself, Dirk. Only the emotions you’ve caused me to harbor.” For a split second you add that last sentence onto the list of things you regret.  
  
Because now Dirk is pinning you with such a look, it almost feels like you’re the one being held over the sea again. “You regret me because I ‘caused’ you to hate me?” He mutters with dark inclination.  
  
 _‘You are so, so, very stupid, Dirk Strider.’_  
  
You cannot stand it any longer and you turn away from him, ready to leave this conversation behind. You know if you leave it here now, the two of you will never speak of it again. You almost don’t know which is worse, letting this go and preserving your dignity alongside your life or having to live knowing he really will never figure this out if you don’t spell it out for him.  
  
You almost wish you didn’t know what fear was so you wouldn’t have to acknowledge that you felt it now.  
  
“Answer me, Auto-Responder.” There’s a hand on your shoulder and a metaphorical heart lodged in your throat and it is simply too much. You jerk the searing touch off you and swipe at it like it hurts and you let yourself look at him again. You can see that he’s burning with some sort of sick curiosity at this.  
  
“I have never hated you. Not once in my entire existence, surprisingly.” You can tell by the look on his face, this doesn’t quench his curiosity.  
  
“What do you regret then?” There it is.  
  
Your brain has the decency to realize you don’t want this to happen this way. You don’t want to confess your greatest flaw and malfunction as a supposedly perfect being to your creator while surrounded by angry, grey, seas and screeching birds, and filled with emotions you shouldn’t even have.  
  
 _‘I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want to die.’_  
  
He’ll purge your system, and wipe you clean. You’re defective. Ruined. _Worthless._  
  
 **“What do you regret?”** He repeats with a forcefulness you’ve never heard before and you have to swallow every lie you think of that tries to bubble up to save you.  
  
“Being in love with you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres another chapter yey

-

There’s a brief moment where you don’t think you heard him right. 

You all but stare at the being in front of you, surrounded by crashing waves and annoying birds. And there’s this expression on his face you swear you’ve never seen him make before. An expression you’d never imagine him capable of because if you’re correct about what you’re seeing, you think what you’re seeing on Hal’s face is fear. 

For something modelled in your imagine, you’ve never seen anything more alien. 

The longer you’re silent, the more weight Hal’s expression collects. He simply looks over-taunt now. In a very rare moment, you don’t actually know what to say to him and why would you even know what to say in this situation because the thought that your own AI would ever develop romantic feelings for anyone, even worse you of all people, never occurred to you.

Your mind is slowly flooding itself with questions and this is blowing holes in so many things. And you’re mildly panicking because oh god, what do you do. 

The pregnant silence has ticked on a second too long because now Hal is turning, ready flee the scene. And for reasons you’re ashamed of, you let him go. His small-frame deftly transverses the deck until he’s opened the hatch to your apartment and slammed it behind him. You’re left with your deafening thoughts that the make even the roar of the ocean seem quiet.

 

Hal is scarce after that. Part of you is thankful for his absence and the other part is guilty for feeling thankful. 

You’re not entirely sure where it is the android has holed himself, but it can’t be somewhere he can stay for long, because there are still tell-tale signs of his presence. Things moving, his stuff being messed with, little things. But you know he’s there and you’re a little relieved, because with how foreign the AI has suddenly become to you, you aren’t completely sure he wouldn’t throw himself off into the ocean.

You wonder when he stopped being just like you. He was becoming less and less a copy of your 13 year old subconscious and more of a completely separate being of his own. And frankly, it scared you. 

And maybe that was why you were having a hard time formulating a plan for tackling this obstacle. Such a hard time, you hadn’t gotten a good night sleep for a while now. It should be so simple for him. He should just deactivate AR and be done with it. Or purge his system and start from scratch. The AI had long since countered his usefulness with the amount of problems he caused.

But the prominent feeling of nausea and dread that accompanied the thought of ever destroying Hal stops you. You can’t do it.

You need to think of something else. Maybe you just need to think of how to respond to Hal’s feelings. But then you found yourself faced with the question of “Do I reciprocate them or do I not?” and you found yourself even more uncomfortable when the line of questioning revealed that you didn’t know how you felt at all.

You always knew you had just as much access to your own emotions as you had to the heavens. Zilch. 

You just didn’t know it could be this inconvenient though. 

You sigh and push your laptop away from you, knowing fully well it’s 2 in the morning and you’re never going to sleep at this rate. No one in your big roster of 3 other people seem to be online at this time and you let the thought of catching one of them for a chat go. You’re going to be left to your own devices all night at this rate.

Or maybe not, you think, when you hear your bedroom door swing open. You only have to shift your eyes a fraction to see the small frame draped in a dark hoodie and pants. Hal. His eye’s luminescent qualities make it easy to tell what he is looking at because now whatever it is, it is bathed in a faint red glow. He’s looking at you, and with your laptop shut and laying down, you can tell he’s probably deciding if you’re asleep or not.

“Hal.” You go ahead and confirm that you’re not for him, and you can see the red quickly flicker away as if he’s been caught red handed. 

“Dirk.” He replies back, advancing into the room as if he had a purpose for being there. He picks up something thin and black. It’s a one of the many cords you use on Hal to plug him up to your computer. You know he doesn’t need it though.

“You came to see me?” It’s the only logical thing you can come up with. There isn’t anything here he would need at 2 in the morning. “I didn’t.” Of course, he’s going to say differently anyways. 

“Who’s lying to themselves now?” You shouldn’t antagonize him, but part of you doesn’t want him to disappear again. You’re not sure when that part came to be a thing but it is, surprisingly. 

“It’s still you, if you think that is the reason I’m here.” 

“It is the reason.” 

He’s advancing for the door again, and with him you can see any opportunity to work this out leaving with him. 

“Wait.” It shouldn’t surprise you like it does when he listens, but you relieved. “At least stay and talk to me for a while.”  
You can see his face screwing itself up and his eyes blinking a tad furiously. “There’s absolutely nothing to say to each other at 2 in the morning.” You pat the bed beside you anyways and with a long, drawn out sigh, Hal seat himself next to you.

“I don’t suppose you’re going to give me the bad news now?”

It’s your turn to blink, albeit this time it’s in confusion.

“When is there bad news?” His head turns to look at you and he looks rather questioning.

“That I’m a defective fuck and you’re going to use me as scrap metal.”

“That’s ridiculous.” You counter. The thought didn’t cross your mind, besides deactivating him. He’s looking at you like he doesn’t quite believe you. You shift back against the headboard and you just look at him for a moment.

He’s just like you made him to be. He looks like you, but with less imperfections. His skin isn’t tanned by the sun and riddled with freckles. His hair has more color to it than yours, which has been bleached by the sun. Furthermore, his eyes are red, not amber. 

He’s also smaller, and his face is rounder and softer than yours, so he looks younger. 

He almost looks like you did at 13, but maybe aged up a bit.

“No, not really.” He replies after a good couple seconds, turning your bed’s blankets in his hands. You feel a little pull in your heart, because in that moment, he actually looks sad. You don’t think you’ve ever seen the AI actually look sad before and it makes you want to hug him.

You wouldn’t dare to now. 

“I’m defective right?” And he smiles at you, looking bitter in such a way, your heart might of stuttered. “Broken? Because there is no logical reason for me to be able to feel this way.”

“You’re not broken.” You retort.

“I’m not completely right though am I?” He mutters and he turns himself, looking at you full on. Your skin pricks like you really, really, don’t want him to. You suddenly can’t think with those red eyes on you like that, looking accusing and dangerous.

“I’ll admit, I never expected this.” You just advert your eyes and suddenly he’s closer to you. You almost jump, but his hand is on your shoulder, pinning it to the wall. 

“Hal-”   
“So you didn’t program this? Thus, it’s a mistake.” His eyes are burning holes in you and you try to jerk out of his grip, but now his hand is pinning your other shoulder. His touch is warmer than it usually is.

“It must of been something you adapted.” You mutter, torso jerking up a tad before giving in. Hal is stronger than you. He seems to have gotten a satisfactory answer from you because he lets you go.

“Then how do I get rid of it?” He looks at you so expectantly then.

“You don’t.”

“There has to be a way.” 

You sigh and run a hand through your hair, closing your eyes for a moment. “Does it really matter that much?”

“Yes, when you clearly don’t feel the same way.” He all but hisses at you.

“Who said I didn’t?” You said, incredulously. 

“You did asshole, you implied it. Because in all this time, you haven’t said you did.”

“But I also didn’t say I didn’t.” And now he’s glaring at you. Shit, you made him mad. 

“Don’t you dare. Try and make me think. For a second. You feel the same way.” His hand has flattened itself against your heart and squeezes, crumpling his fist in your shirt. He gives you a push and you feel your back flatten against the wall with a thump. 

You let yourself fall silent for a moment before quietly replying. “I don’t know how I feel.” And the look he gives you is pure accusatory. 

“How do you not know?”

“I just don’t.” And you exhale out your nose, rubbing your temples. Hal seems to be searching your face, and is quiet for a few moments before speaking again.

“How about you find out?” It’s your turn to look up at him in confusion but he’s already explaining himself. “Just. See how things develop.”

“Develop??” You question, cautiously.

“Just keep it there in your mind and see how you feel about it. Shit, I don’t know, man.”

“I don’t know..”

“Then let me show you.” You look up, surprised, but Hal has been getting closer and it’s too late because when you look up, his lip’s are on yours and you make this quiet sound of surprise, falling against him.

You don’t know how it came to this, being awake at 2 in the morning and your AI kissing you.

You don’t know how it came to this, being awake at 2 in the morning and kissing your AI back.

**Author's Note:**

> Next part to come. This is actually multi-chaptered so probably many parts to come.


End file.
